Not Right Things
by N. Master
Summary: What happens in Bern, stays in Bern...


The following story is rated T because it contains what some may consider offensive content. It is designed purely for satirical purposes and is not meant to demean the good name of Nintendo or Fire Emblem in any way.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Fire Emblem characters, I simply wote this fanfic. This message has been pre-approved for all those lawyers out there who are just dying to sue me.

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"What a wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous day it is," Serra thought to herself as she slowly made her way across the forest pathway. She had decided to stray from town into the local forest as everyone else was seemed genuinely uninterested in speaking to her. Not that that was truly possible, but they had to prepare for the oncoming battle with the evil Nergal. 

She would have bothered Erk, but he was much too busy in his books to even acknowledge her presence. Anyone else she could spend time with was nowhere to be found at the moment so she was walking down through the forest path in the hopes that her handsome, rich, and noble blooded prince would sweep her off her feet.

"To his nice big castle," she muttered dreamily.

After her moment of fantasy and fairy-tale had settled to rest, she heard a rustling in the bushes as well as a voice. In one of her greatest moments of curiousity, she shuffled silently near to eavesdrop.

"Now now Guy. You still owe me three favors, remember?" whispered a familiar and delighfully cheerful voice from the trembling shrubs.

"But...but..." stammered yet another familiar, yet different (and slightly less assertive) voice.

"Ah, Guy and Matthew," she thought to herself again, "But I wonder why they would be out here...alone." She inched ever closer.

"Ah ah ah, Guy, you won't get out of your favors that easily. What kind of knight tries to weasel his way out of favors, anyway. That actually sounds more like me. I must be rubbing off on you," replied Matthew cutting of Guy's lackluster argument.

"No! I-I'll do it...I guess..."

The bushes began to rustle a little more heavily. Even more curious than before, Serra peered into the the shrubs to spot the pair.

"What are you two d-" she began but was cut short as a most horrified look had replaced her normally happy and bubbly expression.

A moment of silence passed followed very quickly by a loud shreek of horror and embarrassment. Then Serra ran faster than ever before to town with her fantasies of her knight in shining armor replaced by her new thoughts of poking her own eyes out.

Screaming the entire way, she made it to the outskirts of town.

"Lord Eliwood, Lord Eliwood!" she screamed, "Where are you?"

"What is it Serra?" Lord Eliwood queried as he emerged from behind a nearby tree, topless.

"Lord Eliwood...Matthew and Guy...bushes...not right things..."

"Woah, wait, calm down Serra. What's the problem?"

"Lord Eliwood, I was just walking out of the forest, and I saw, I saw..."

"Yes?"

"Matthew and Guy, Lord Eliwood, they were behind the bushes, doing...not right things. Not right things at all!"

"What's going on Eliwood?" Hector asked as he also emerged from the tree, not only topless, but stark naked. Serra shrieked again.

"Eeek! Lord Hector! Lord Eliwood! Wha-what are you doing...behind that...tree?"

"Oh, uh, well...you see, it's a long story really.." Eliwood replied.

"Oh no! You're doing not right things too...aren't you?" Serra shrieked yet again and ran into town. Frightened out of her wits, she sought refuge in a nearby abandoned building. Out of breath and out of sanity, she began to rest. That is, until she heard moaning sounds nearby. Familiar voices they were, she was sure about it. Both...male! She ran out of the building, this time she no longer had the voice to scream.

That evening, Serra found peace in her tent, praying profusely.

"What's the matter?" asked a young, caring female voice. Serra turned to see Lady Lyndis pop into her tent.

"oh, uhm, nothing. I'm...fine..."

"You don't look fine, are you sure something isn't wrong?"

"Yes, I-I-I'm sure."

"You're just tense is all," Lady Lyndis said alluringly, "Just sit and relax." She knealt over to massage Serra's shoulders. Confused, Serra froze.

"What...are...you doing?" Serra asked nervously.

"It's okay Serra, you can be nice, warm...and secure," came another of Lyndis's seducing replies. Serra became somewhat relaxed for some reason. She could feel Lyndis's body warm her own as well as her warm breath creep down her back. It was mesmerizing, and suddenly, Serra felt a feeling she had never before. She turned her head around ever so slightly and met her lips to Lyn's.

The next day, Serra emerged from her tent rather refreshed. Her hair flowed in the gentle breeze more than usual. Almost immediately, she saw Eliwood, Hector, Matthew, Guy, Raven, and Lucius approach.

"What are you all doing here?" she asked cheerfully, batting her eyes.

"Uh, listen Serra, about yesterday..." Eliwood began as he was cut short byLyndis as she too emerged from Serra's tent, in a somewhat revealing outfit.

"What's going on out here?" Lyndis asked, she opened her mouth to continue until she cleared her eyes and realized all who were around her.

Everyone just stared at one another awkwardly for a moment. It was then that they became intensely uncomfortable and each proceeded into his or her own private tent.

The End

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Hey, what happens in Bern, stays in Bern. 


End file.
